To cultivate simply means to promote growth, to nurture, foster or refine. These are not typical words when describing traditional middle age years. The two most common words are decline and decrease. In our effort to redefine middle age, it is apparent that there needs to be a change of thinking as well as vocabulary!
To think of middle age as the adolescence of old age, cultivation becomes necessary. Unlike youthful adolescence, middle-agers have acquired knowledge, wisdom, skills, humor, and a plethora of other resources that were not available in youth. The benefit of this is that middle-agers do not have to spend time learning most things pertaining to life since they have already done that. Middle-agers possess the valuable experience of trial and error to know what works and what does not work for their lives. Whether it is put into practice or not is entirely up to to the individual! We must cultivate what we have and bring it to a higher level.
To better navigate this stage of life, our descriptive words should no longer be decline and decrease. Instead, place these new words above the dreaded “D” words:
To think of middle age as the adolescence of old age, cultivation becomes necessary. Unlike youthful adolescence, middle-agers have acquired knowledge, wisdom, skills, humor, and a plethora of other resources that were not available in youth. The benefit of this is that middle-agers do not have to spend time learning most things pertaining to life since they have already done that. Middle-agers possess the valuable experience of trial and error to know what works and what does not work for their lives. Whether it is put into practice or not is entirely up to to the individual! We must cultivate what we have and bring it to a higher level.
To better navigate this stage of life, our descriptive words should no longer be decline and decrease. Instead, place these new words above the dreaded “D” words:
Promote - to further or encourage the progress or existence of; to raise to a higher rank, status, degree, etc;
Foster - to care for or cherish; and
Refine - to bring to a fine or a pure state; free from impurities; to become more fine, elegant, or polished.
Develop the habit of using these words in place of other negative words when thinking about middle age.
GENERATIVITY
According to Erikson's Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development, the primary issue of middle age is generativity. In essence, generativity is a concern for others developed during middle age, especially a need to nurture and guide younger people and contribute to the next generation. This is often expressed as finding a way to “live on” after we’re gone.
There are five areas of life we will examine over the next few posts that will greatly enhance the quality of these middle age years and help contribute to a greater sense of generativity: 1) giving; 2) health; 3) relationships; 4) grace; and 5) faith. Of course there are more, but these five will cover a myriad of middle age issues.
CULTIVATE GIVING
He looked up and saw the rich dropping their offerings into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow dropping in two tiny coins. "I tell you the truth," He said. "This poor widow has put in more than all of them. For all these people have put in gifts out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on." Luke 21:1-4
Our training, for the greater portion of our lives, has taught us to believe that it is better to give out of our surplus or abundance. As a result, we spend most of our lives trying to fill our barrels if not cause them to overflow, which makes our idea of giving conditional: if we have surplus, we give - if we do not not have surplus, we do not give. Middle-agers today though, may find their barrels are neither full nor overflowing due to factors such as the economy, raising young children or having children in college, being sandwiched in between children and aging parents, or simply struggling to survive as a single person. At a time in their lives when they feel their barrels are being depleted of resources rather than accumulating, how can we refine the concept of giving in order to accomplish a sense of generativity?
In an essay titled Through Giving You Shall Receive by a Romanian Christian monk, Nicolae Steinhardt, he tells the story of a man who sought entry into a monastery even though he did not feel qualified for entry. This man went to the abbot and humbly declared:
Know, Father, that I have neither faith nor light, nor essence, nor courage, nor trust in myself, and I cannot be of any help to myself, much less to any others; I have nothing.
In the world's economy of giving, this man would surely be declined entry. Instead, the enlightened abbot replied:
What does that have to do with anything? You have no faith, have no light; giving them to others you will have them, too. In searching them for another, you will gain them for yourself. Your brother, your neighbor and fellow man, to him you are duty bound to help with what you do not have.
GIVE WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE
I admit. I admire the Bill Gates' and Warren Buffett's of this world. I would love to be in a position to be able to give 99% of my livelihood away and live as comfortably as they do on 1%. It is certainly a noble and admirable thing in this day and age and I applaud their success.
But, if I waited until I achieved extraordinary wealth, I would never be able to give.
I also deeply admire Mother Theresa who had no monetary wealth to speak of, but sacrificed her entire life to give to the poor and the sick. However, at this time of my life I barely have enough time to complete a thought some days!
I also deeply admire Mother Theresa who had no monetary wealth to speak of, but sacrificed her entire life to give to the poor and the sick. However, at this time of my life I barely have enough time to complete a thought some days!
But, if I wait until I have time to dedicate my life to some type of charitable work, I would never be able to give.
Warren Buffett and Mother Theresa are two extreme examples of giving. The vast majority of us live somewhere in the middle. Yet, truth be told, we can give nonetheless and are without excuse if we do not. Giving out of the surplus of our barrels of time, talent or treasure is not an indication of generous heart. As we learned from Jesus in the scripture above, those who give from their lack are considered most generous.
Warren Buffett and Mother Theresa are two extreme examples of giving. The vast majority of us live somewhere in the middle. Yet, truth be told, we can give nonetheless and are without excuse if we do not. Giving out of the surplus of our barrels of time, talent or treasure is not an indication of generous heart. As we learned from Jesus in the scripture above, those who give from their lack are considered most generous.
THE PARADOX OF GIVING
The paradox of giving is that you can give your time, talent or treasure to a cause that is near to your heart, even if you do not feel you have anything to give. A willing and humble heart, a passion for your cause, and making yourself available will get you started. In God's economy, if you give from your lack, you will receive so that you may continue to give it away regardless of whether it is your time, talent or treasure!
So, what is your passion? What do you lack? What is that one thing that moves your soul and connects you to something outside of yourself? What new way can you be of help or service to your family? Friends? Community? World?
It is well worth the effort to take a moment to foster new ideas about your own generativity. Once you identify your passion, take no consideration of your ability or inability to give.
Simply Start Giving.
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