Finding Grace in the Pain

One of the great mysteries of faith regarding God’s grace is: where is God’s grace or love in the pain and suffering of life? Why do bad things happen to good people? How do we reconcile the belief that God is a good God who loves us, yet allows so much suffering? Have you ever wondered these things in your own circumstances or prayed, God, where are You?  God, why did this happen to me or my loved one?

These are very valid questions. How do we find God’s grace in the pain? If you have ever asked the question Why?, then you are in good company since scholars, theologists and laypersons have been trying to answer that question for years. To leave you with the idea that God’s grace encompasses only a showering His love and affection on us all the time without understanding the entire scope of grace would be unfair. To cause you to believe that if you follow God, all your problems in life will vanquish and you will never experience pain ever again, would be unfair. So, in follow-up to my last post, we will look at two things: 1) the purpose of pain and 2) a deeper understanding of grace.

THE PURPOSE OF PAIN

There is a very rare congenital disease called congenital analgia a/k/a congenital insensitivity to pain (CIPA). Only 35 people in the United States have this condition and of those that have it, very few live past the age of 25. These people cannot feel pain at all. Most of them die horrific deaths. A 10-year old boy in India died because his appendix ruptured and he couldn’t feel the pain to know he was sick or to tell anyone, so he bled to death. In the Ukraine, a baby girl born with CIPA shredded her lips when she was teething and then, at the age of 3, put her hand on a hot stove and left it there until her parents smelled her burning flesh and found her sitting in a pool of blood.

Like it or not, pain is necessary. Spiritual, emotional or physical growth cannot occur without pain. It is, in a sense, one of our greatest teachers in life. Not being able to feel physical pain is incredibly dangerous. You need pain to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. You need pain to tell you when to move away from something because it is causing you harm. Most people try to avoid causing pain to themselves, but it is because they have felt pain that they are able to avoid those things that initially caused the pain. The very same is true of emotional or spiritual pain.

Pain comes into our lives in various ways:

I Will Love You Freely

The Human Economy of Love

We grow up in an entirely different economy of love than God’s love.  Simple behavior modification methods train us from infant on up that certain behaviors are acceptable and others are not.  If we behave well, the consequence is reward.  If we behave badly, the consequence is punishment.  Please do not misunderstand, it is necessary to do this. Even God provided the law as a means of disciplining and guiding his people to maturity, both in relation with each other (socially) as well as in relation to Himself.

Cultivating Middle Age Wisely: Living In The Middle

If you are middle-aged, that is where you are – right smack dab in the middle between youth and old age.  The good news is we have approximately 20 years [middle age is considered between the ages of 40-ish and 60-ish] to cultivate middle age wisely so, that gives us plenty of time to prepare for old age! 

Remember, middle age is not the time to quit!  Achievement still counts and choices still matter in middle age so you are not off the hook yet!

Living in the Middle

I had to laugh when I saw this definition of middle: middle: the point equally distant from the outer limits.

I laughed because to remember my own youth and to watch the youth of today, I have concluded that youth is truly an outer limits experience!  Additionally, I have dealt with the elderly enough by now to know that old age is truly an outer limits experience when you get there too. 

So, I can say with utmost conviction that I will treasure and cherish this time I have to live in the middle of life, equally distant from the “outer limits."

In a recent article titled A Winning Friendship in the Parade, a reporter interviewed two of my all-time favorite female tennis players, Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert.  Both ladies were my tennis idols when I was growing up and playing competitively.  When asked a question about retirement, Chris Evert replied:

I went from retiring to getting married and having three kids, so I went from one high to another high. Now it’s hitting me. We’ve both (Evert and Navratilova) been to therapy, because you have the highs and the lows, but life is really in between, and it’s about trying to find that balance to live in the middle.

How true that is. 

By middle age, we have all  experienced tremendous highs and lows, and while excess on occasion is exhilarating because it prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit (a quote by W. Somerset Maugham), I happen to be enjoying living life  in the middle!  Like my readers, I’m still trying to get the hang of this middle age stage, but I am having more fun with it than any other time in life to be sure.  I hope you are too.  Just remember:  In middle age, don’t focus on flaws or decline – focus on your capabilities.  Our capacity for everything is greater in middle age and we have more resources available to us than ever before.  So use them wisely and have some fun along the way! 

Vitamins to Help Cultivate Middle Age Wisely             

You know, I would be remiss in my duties if, in wrapping up this series of posts, I did not leave you with one last list to assist in cultivating middle age wisely, so, here it is.

 

To help our middle-aged brains remember that middle age is not the end of life, merely the beginning or youth of old age, I will use an acronym B-E-G-I-N to remember the Middle Age Vitamin List. 

 

Vitamin B

Balance.  By now, you have learned that life is full of extremes: good and bad, love and hate, joys and sorrows, abundance and lack, health and illness, and so on.  Finding a way to maintain our balance through all life has for us is essential to cultivating and enjoying a healthy and happy middle age.

Vitamin E

Exercise.  Exercise both your brain and your body.  Yes, your brain is aging/changing physically but there is good news.  Recently, researchers have found positive news. The brain, as it traverses middle age, gets better at recognizing the central idea, the big picture. If kept in good shape, the brain can continue to build pathways that help its owner recognize patterns and, as a consequence, see significance and even solutions much faster than a young person can. Keep your brain nourished and active by healthy diet and continuous learning. 

Yes, your body is aging/changing, but you can be your own human growth hormone. Make it a priority to anti-age yourself through appropriate and enjoyable exercise and recreation.  If we live long enough we will probably all end up with some level of geriatric infirmity, but we can combat the extremes and postpone the inevitable by taking care of ourselves physically through healthy diet and exercise.

Barring some sort of accident, the choices we make in middle age to promote our physical and mental health will greatly affect how we enter old age. Middle age is a great time to go back to school or develop a new skill or pick up a new hobby or sport.  Anything that engages your mind and body will be of tremendous benefit.

 Vitamin G

Grace.  Cultivate poise, integrity, humility, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, mercy, consideration, thoughtfulness, patience, purpose, clarity in your spiritual relationship with God, manners, respectfulness, and just overall try to have a good effect on other people.  A little bit of grace goes a long way!  Try it!

Vitamin I

 

Interest.  Take a proactive interest in your own life as well as in the lives of others! If you have made it this far, you have earned the right to enjoy life! Be innovative and find things that will satisfy your middle-aged need for generativity, longevity and legacy.  Somehow in the middle of the chaos that at times can be middle age, find the things that bring you enjoyment and make it a point to do them!

Vitamin N

 

Nap. After doing all the exercises needed to cultivate middle age wisely, take a nap!  Physical and mental rest and refreshment are necessary to cultivate optimal health in every area of our lives! So, in the hustle and bustle of life, remember to get proper rest!

 

CONCLUSION

Well, hopefully after the past few weeks we’ve had some fun with this Cultivating Middle Age Wisely series, and perhaps learned a thing or two along the way. I’m going to wrap it up now and move on to other topics of interest, as well as requests from readers, but don’t be surprised if the subject of middle age reappears on this blog from time to time from this middle-aged gal.  I am finding it a very fascinating, challenging, exciting and humorous time of life!  I hope you are too because like it or not, if we are given the privilege of living long enough, we all arrive at middle age.  And just like the historical middle ages, it will be marked with significant opportunities, changes and events.

 

Remember, it is your choice to make middle age an opportunity, not a crisis!

 Thanks for reading along.  Right now, this middle-aged gal is going to go take a healthy dose of Vitamin N.  I strongly recommend you do the same!

 

Live, play, grow, learn, laugh, love, and nap well everyone!

 

~Solissea

The Longest 1 Hour 16 Minutes and 41 Seconds in Recent American History

Do you remember?

I was working the  6:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. shift at law firm downtown.  I remember walking in that morning to find the early birds in the video conference room staring at the television.   When I asked what was happening, no one spoke.  They just pointed to the television. Watching in shock for what seemed like an eternity, everyone stood in silence.  About the time we could form up words to speak about what we were seeing, the second plane hit  the towers.

It was just a matter of time before the decision to close down the federal and state courthouses came through, followed by the decision to close the office.  I left downtown within a couple of hours and stopped by my church which had opened up for prayer and support. So we prayed and wept and held silence... and each other... for a while.

Passing by the local Air Force Base on my way home, knowing that the FAA had already ordered the nations first ever halt on all flight operations, a military helicopter flew overhead while I was stopped at a red light, and for the first time in my life, I was frightened by that sight and sound. I instantly flashed back in time to the year 1990, standing at the Berlin Wall.  While I was chipping away at the Wall and intermittently taking pictures of that historical moment, a military helicopter flew overhead.  Some people scattered  - some did not. I marveled. I did not grow up with that kind of fear whether from my own government or terrorism.  But places where freedom and democracy are worlds away, the sound or sight of a military air carrier sends people running.  I remember breathing a prayer of thankfulness for growing up in America.  

But sitting at that red light on September 11, 2001, I knew our country and our world had changed forever. And it did.

Sharing 2  great videos below to remember the longest 1 hour 16 minutes and 41 seconds in recent American history, when the world was united both in courage and in grief.  Sharing a third video to end with hope!

 

One more great song....

Cultivating Middle Age Wisely: Grace

A couple of weeks ago, a lady came to our home regarding our little 87-year old's recent move to Assisted Living. She had the pleasure of meeting my mother briefly before she left.  When I spoke to Cindy the following day, she commented how beautiful my mother was, and how happy and peaceful she looked. Then, she made this statement about her, using her hands to emphasize what she was about to say: 

She just… radiates...oh she just radiates grace!

For some reason her statement struck a chord in me.  Not that I didn't know that my mother radiated grace. In fact, I often lovingly call to her and say, "Hey Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee!" Her name is Mary, she truly is full of grace and if you knew her story, you would know the Lord truly is with her!  It amazed me that a total stranger could see so clearly in a matter of less than five minutes what we see emanating from her daily! So, when I talk about cultivating grace, this gives a real-life example of how it is possible to cultivate grace to such a degree that it is evident to others.

Defining Grace

What comes to your mind when you think about grace? Is it Divine pardon? God’s unmerited favor? Divine assistance? Is it the little prayer of gratefulness you say before meals? Is it just being nice? Is it merely elegance and beauty in movement and form? Is it an allowance of extra time to pay a bill?

Personally, I thought for years growing up that it was my nickname. I was a clumsy child, so every time I tripped over that pesky piece of lint, stumbled over my own little feet, or ran in to something accidentally, my family would say, "There goes Grace!” Later in life, I did my legal internship with a Christian sole practitioner whose business motto was Practicing Law with Grace, so everyone that walked into the office thought they were being clever by asking if I was Grace with whom he practiced law. Everybody wants to be a comedian.

But really, what is grace and how do we cultivate it? Well, I could spend weeks giving an exhaustive exegesis on Christian theology and the manifold meanings of  Divine grace, and truthfully we would barely scratch the surface.  However, the grace I had in mind for this post is more along the lines of social grace. I dare say though, that the two are very closely related as you may well see. If you would like to read an excellent, fully understandable exposition on the Christian theological view of grace, I highly recommend a book by Philip Yancey titled, What’s So Amazing About Grace?